Bible Jokes

1. Q. What kind of man was Boaz before he married?
A. Ruthless

2, Q. What do they call pastors in Germany?
A. German Shepherds

3. Q. Who was the greatest financier in the Bible?
A. Noah. He was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation.

4. Q. Who was the greatest female financier in the Bible?
A. Pharaoh's daughter. She went down to the banks of the Nile and drew out
a little prophet.

5. Q. What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible?
A. Jehovah drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden in a Fury.
David's Triumph was heard through out the land.
Honda, because the apostles were all in one Accord.
2 Cor. 4:8 describes going out in services in a Volkswagon.
We are pressed in every way, but cramped beyond movement.

6. Q. Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible?
A. Samson. He brought the house down.

7. Q. What excuse did Adam give to his children as to why he no longer lived in Eden?
A. "Your mother ate us out of house and home."

8. Q. Which servant of God was the most flagrant lawbreaker in the Bible?
A. Moses. He broke all 10 commandments at once.

9. Q. Which area of Palestine was especially wealthy?
A. The area around Jordan. The banks were always overflowing.

10. Q. Who is the greatest babysitter mentioned in the Bible?
A. David. He rocked Goliath to a very deep sleep.

11. Q. Which Bible character had no parents?
A. Joshua, son of Nun.

12. Q. Who was the first drug addict in the Bible?
A. Nebuchnezzar, he was on grass for 7 years.

13. Q. Where is the first Baseball game in the Bible?
A. In the Big Inning. Eve stole first, Adam stole second,
Cain struck out Abel, and the Prodial son came home.
The Giants and Angels were rained out.

14. Q. How did Adam & Eve feel when expelled from Garden of Eden?
A. They were really put out.

15, Q. What was the very first thing that Adam & Eve did after they were kicked out?
A. They really raised Cain.

16. Q. How long did Cain hate his brother?
A. As long as he was Abel.

17. Q. What was the last thing Noah said before he entered the Ark?
A. So long fellews.!

18. Q. The Ark was built in 3 stories, and the top story had a window to let light in, but how did they get light to the bottom 2 stories?
A. They used floodlights.

19. Q. After the flood, how many people left the Ark ahead of Noah?
A. 3 because the Bible says Noah went forth out of the Ark.

20. Q. Where is the first mention of Insurance in the Bible?
A. When Adam & Eve needed more covered.

21. Q. Where is another mention of insurance in the Bible?
A. When David gave Goliath a piece of the rock.

22. Q. Why was Goliath so surprised when David hit him with the slingshot?
A. Because the thought had never entered his head before.

23. Q. If Goliath is resurrected, would you like to tell him the joke of David and Goliath?
A. No, he already fell for it once.

24. Q. What is the best way to get to Paradise?
A. Turn right and go straight.

25. Q. Why won't we drink milk in the new world?
A. Because, at Armageddon, there will be utter destruction.

26. Q. Why shouldn't Christians watch TV?
A. At the transfiguration, Jesus said, "Tell the vision to no one."

27. Q. Who was known as a Mathematician in the Bible?
A. Moses, he wrote the book of Numbers.

28. Q. How do we know that Job went to a chiropractor?
A. Because Job 16:12, 14; 16 says, "I had come to be at ease, but he
proceeded to shake me up; and he grabbed me by the back of the neck and
proceeded to smash me."

29. Q. Will there be dogs in the new system?
A. No, 2 Peter 3: 14 tells us that we will be without spot.

30. Q. Who was the straightest man in the Bible?
A. Joseph, because the Pharaoh made him a ruler.

31. Q. Who are the 3 shortest men in the Bible?
A. Bildad the shuhite
A. Nehemiah ( knee-hi-miah! )
A. The man who fell asleep in his watch.

32. Q. Who is the largest woman in the Bible?
A. The woman of Samaria

33. Q. Which is the first instance of tennis playing in the Bible?
A. Moses served in the courts of Pharaoh.

34. Q. What is the first instance of cannibalism in the Bible?
A. 2 Kings 8:1

35. Q. What is the first instance of cricket in the Bible?
A. Peter stood up before the 11 and was bold.

36. Q. How many days was Jonah in the ark?
A. He wasn't. It was Noah.