Of Governments and Cows:
A light hearted look at governments


Biblical Capitalism: You have two cows. You take care
of them and sell the extra milk.
Feudalism: Your lord lends you two cows. He takes most
of the milk and leaves you some.

Pure Socialism: You have two cows. The government
takes them and puts them into a barn with everyone
else's cows. You have to take care of all the cows.
The government gives you as much milk as you need.

Bureaucratic Socialism: You have two cows. The
government takes them and puts them in a barn with
everyone else's cows. They are cared for by ex-chicken
farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the
government took from the chicken farmers. The
government gives you as much milk and eggs as the
regulations say you need.

Fascism: You have two cows. The government takes them
both, hires you to take care of them, and sells you
the milk.

Pure Communism: You have two cows. Your neighbors help
you to take care of them, and you all share the milk.

Russian Communism: You have two cows. You have to take
care of them, but the government takes all the milk.

Cambodian Communism: You have two cows. The government
takes them both and shoots you.

Dictatorship: You have two cows. The government takes
them both and drafts you.

Pure Democracy: You have two cows. Your neighbors
decide who gets the milk.

Representative Democracy: You have two cows. Your
neighbors vote for someone to tell you who gets the
milk.

American Democracy: The government promises to give
you two cows if you vote for it. After the election,
the President is impeached for speculating in cow
futures. The press dubs the affair "Cowgate."

British Democracy: You have two cows. You feed them
sheep brains and they go mad. The government doesn't
do anything.

Bureaucracy: You have two cows. At first the
government regulates what you can feed them and when
you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them.
Then it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and
pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to
fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.

Environmentalism: You have two cows. The government
bans you from milking or killing them.

Pure Anarchy: You have two cows. Your neighbors riot
and kill you for trying to sell the milk.

Libertarian/Anarcho-Capitalism: You have two cows. You
sell one and buy a bull.

Clintonomics: You have two cows. The government
requires you to take harmonica lessons.

Totalitarianism: You have two cows. The government
takes them and denies they ever existed. Milk is
banned.

Counter-Culture: Wow, dude, there's like... These two
cows, man. You got to have some of this milk.