A Redneck's love letter to his girlfriend:

COLLARDS IS GREEN,

MY DOG'S NAME IS BLUE

AND I'M JUS SO LUCKY

TO HAVE A SWEET THANG LIKE YOU.

YORE HAIR IS LIKE CORNSILK

A-FLAPPING IN THE BREEZE.

SOFTER THAN BLUE'S

AND WITHOUT ALL THEM FLEAS.

YOU MOVE LIKE THE BASS

WHICH EXCITE ME IN MAY.

YOU AIN'T GOT NO SCALES

BUT I LUV YOU ANYWAY.

YO'RE AS SATISFY'N AS OKRY

JIST A-FRY'N IN THE PAN.

YO'RE AS FRAGRANT AS "SNUF"

RIGHT OUT OF THE CAN.

YOU HAVE SOME'A YORE TEETH,

FOR WHICH I AM PROUD;

I HOLD MY HEAD HIGH

WHEN WE'RE IN A CROWD.

ON SPECIAL OCCASIONS,

WHEN YOU SHAVE UNDER YORE ARMS

WELL, I'M IN HAWG HEAVEN,

AND AWED BY YORE CHARMS.

STILL THEM FELLERS AT WORK,

THEY ALL WANT TO KNOW,

WHAT I DONE TO DESERVE

SUCHA PURDY, YOUNG DOE.

LIKE A GOOD ROLL OF DUCT TAPE

YO'RE THERE FER YORE MAN,

TO PATCH UP LIFE'S TROUBLES

AND FIX WHAT YOU CAN.

YO'RE AS CUTE AS A JUNEBUG

A-BUZZIN' OVERHEAD.

YOU AIN'T MEAN LIKE THEM FAR ANTS

I FOUND IN MY BED.

CUT FROM THE BEST CLOTH

LIKE A PLAID FLANNEL SHIRT,

YOU SPARK UP MY LIFE

MORE THAN A FRESH LOAD OF DIRT.

WHEN YOU HOLD ME REAL TIGHT

LIKE A PADDED GUNRACK,

MY LIFE IS COMPLETE;

AINT NUTTIN' I LACK.

YORE COMPLEXION, IT'S PERFECTION

LIKE THE BEST VINYL SIDIN'.

DESPITE ALL THE YEARS,

YORE AGE, IT KEEPS HIDIN'.

ME 'N' YOU'S LIKE A MOON PIE

WITH A RC COLD DRINK,

WE GO TOGETHER

LIKE A SKUNK GOES WITH STINK.